"Hi, I just e-mailed you, but I'm calling to tell you what was in the e-mail"

On a daily basis, I get these long biographical, e-mails, usually equipped with a series of bulleted questions for me to waste a bunch of time answering.

The reason I say this is a "waste" instead of saying that I'm helping, is because when you send the required information, broken down into categories to the person first, and then they send back these e-mails asking the same exact questions that you just PRE-answered, it is indeed, a waste of time.  Basically they are just saying they are too lazy to read it and want you to point out all the important parts.

However, my favorite has to be that after you receive these nonsensical bulleted anecdotes, not more then 6 seconds later, the phone is ringing. As a receptionist, working in the same place for so long, we start to just know. I just know it's that same person on the other end of that dreaded phone line. It's like that stupid dramatic chipmunk when the phone starts ringing...and then they ask that question we all loathe so much...

"Did you get my e-mail?"

I swear the phrase "Did you get my e-mail?" echoes in my brain sometimes to the point where I'm waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, dramatically tumbling out of bed, and screaming, "DID YOU GET MY E-MAIL!?" My husband won't even sleep in the bed anymore. He's scared of my nightly, e-mail-related night terrors and shacks up on the couch with the cats. It's resorted to my husband sleeping with cats. It's just not right.

FOR SHIT'S SAKE! Why must you insist on calling to tell me this pointless piece of information?

The next crap to come exploding out of their mouths is "I sent it 6 minutes ago". If any of you have Microsoft Outlook, you know that the refresh is done automatically every 30-60 minutes, depending on what you have it set on. There is no 6 minute refresh interval time, unless you do it manually, which I most certainly do not do out of sheer will.

After they've gotten that out of the way, and I respond with (while readying myself to jump out the nearest window) "Not yet, but I will e-mail you back as soon as I am able too."

I always get this next, "Do you know when you are going to read it?"

Seriously? Why do I even have to honor that with a response? As if I am a psychic with a crystal ball where a printer should be and I can foresee the exact time and date, down to the second, of when I will be reading your e-mail with my eyeballs.

"Why yes sir, I will be reading your e-mail at 4:03pm, Eastern time, on August 6, 2013, with 10 seconds to spare". What then, I ask? WHAT, THEN?

So, when I finally tell them an approximated guess of an answer, they will then proceed to read me the body of the e-mail. I'm sitting there, eyes glazing over, traveling into another dimension. When they are finished, I just say, 'Ok, when I get to your e-mail I will write you back".

WHAT....WAS THE POINT OF THAT?

You see?